Thoughts On Breakups, Being Single, and How It All Led Me to My Current Relationship
After another Valentine’s Day passes, Lauren reflects on the relationships that shaped her and the lessons they left behind.
Valentine’s Day has never been a big deal to me. I’ve always thought it was sweet, but it’s never been a day I’ve held in high regard. Sam and I haven’t yet been able to spend the day together, but he still finds a way to honor with flowers and sweet cards.
This year, though, I couldn’t stop thinking about a friend of mine who is newly single. I remember how heavy this day can feel when your heart is in pieces. It’s been five years since I’ve been single on Valentine’s Day (although five years ago there was a very casual situationship in the mix), but I have spent many Valentine’s Days feeling alone in a relationship.
I remember my first experience with love so vividly at 17. I thought I had cracked the code. I found someone, and that was it. When it ended a few months into my freshman year of college, I was devastated. Even though the relationship was a disaster from the start, I felt like my organs were failing inside my body. I had to watch Gilmore Girls every night so I wouldn’t cry myself to sleep. I had bloopers from The Office playing in my ears constantly so I wouldn’t break down between classes. I couldn’t fathom what joy felt like, and I genuinely believed I would never feel that kind of love again.
Turns out, we got back together and broke up several more times. And I did eventually feel joy again. That first heartbreak built something in me — strength, independence, resilience. This is where my ‘don’t mess with me’ energy came from.
From 23-25, I was fully single. Didn’t-even-hold-someone’s-hand single. After a few forced, unstimulating situationships, I vowed not to involve myself with anyone unless the feelings were mind-blowing. I journaled nearly every day. I read constantly. I built a life that felt full and independent. I convinced myself I might never fall in love again — and strangely, I was okay with that.
It’s so easy to convince yourself of something. To create a story and make it your truth.
There was a brief moment of chemistry with someone during that time — the kind that feels exciting and fun — until I found out he had a girlfriend the entire time. Humbling.
I feel like we all have that relationship in where you think it’s the one and then it isn’t. This relationship’s red flags started off as pink flags. I had been a little rusty when it came to committed relationships. This person had such a sure idea of what a relationship was supposed to be that I just took it has law. We fought constantly. When it ended, I didn’t just lose a person — I had to find myself again. That relationship taught me more about what love isn’t than what it is.
Then out of the corner of my eye, just weeks after my break up, I saw Sam at a work event. The same Sam I had worked with for a year and a half — but somehow he looked different. We built a friendship around chips and park hangs. He always brought the food. He opened every door, including the car door. One time he filled up my gas tank. I remember thinking: my ex refused to make me a pot of coffee… and there are men out here filling up your gas tank?
As weeks went by, I couldn’t tell if I was just nervous to be around Sam because I liked him or if it was normal to feel nervous when you’re newly single. It would take months of friendship before either of us would acknowledged we both had feelings for each other. When we did finally start dating, Sam made me feel safe and loved in ways I didn’t even know to ask for. He exceeded the bare minimum that I thought I was looking for. He would inconvenience himself to the nth degree if it meant making my life easier. In the beginning when you’re supposed to play it calm, cool, and collected, Sam did the opposite. I never had to guess how he was feeling about me. I’m so grateful that Sam came into my life when I least expected it. “Timing and Ball Placement” he used to say. Had it been any sooner, it never would have worked. Had I got what I was asking for, I would still be begging for someone to make me coffee.
I used to think relationships were supposed to be really hard. But being with Sam I realized relationships should feel easy. Sam and I still go through hard things but we are never at war with each other on opposing sides. We are always on the same team.
If you are currently single, how lucky are you that you will get to experience falling in love with someone again. Love will find you again — and when it does, it won’t feel like chaos. It can come when you least expect it with someone you don’t expect it to be with. And when it’s right, you won’t have to convince yourself of it.
In guud company,
Lauren
GUUD THINGS THIS WEEK
⬆️ The High ⬆️
Nikki: I love connecting with people. In Tahoe, I got to spend time with Jeremy’s besties, his cousins, my friends of friends, & a friend I haven’t seen in years! It was such a fun trip & a great end to their tour. Also, while I was gone, my friend Julie (this Julie!) watched Kona & stayed in my apartment. I came back to a fully cleaned apartment (way better than how I left it), fresh eucalyptus in the shower, fresh flowers, new soap & cleaning spray (I needed both 😂), clean laundry, an organized bookshelf (my personal favorite), *&* a Valentine’s gift. It made my jaw drop — I felt so loved & I am so grateful for such a thoughtful friend!
Lauren: Got to come home to Miami! It’s never enough time. I really needed the good sleep and the slow days. My Dad and I also ran a half marathon completely side by side which was so special.
⬇️ The Low ⬇️
Lauren: Leaving home is always hard because I’m reminded that I live so far away from my parents. It never gets easier.
Nikki: I’ve had a cold the last couple of days, which is not the worst thing in the world but annoying, especially when traveling :(
🧠 The Lesson 🧠
Nikki: Building from “The Low”, I put pressure on myself to make this a ski trip & get more time in skiing. Because I was sick & skiing alone, I only skied for a couple hours & pivoted to hanging out with friends, exploring more of Lake Tahoe & Truckee, & resting in the hotel. Being ok with a pivot & with a less active vacation is something I had to mentally work through, but I still had a good time!
Lauren: I’m often reminded how important family is. On my last day in Miami, I went to my friend Anabelle’s Mom’s 60th birthday party. She was surrounded by her closest friends and family. The love and friendship in the room was so strong. She seemed really happy and full of gratitude. That’s how I want to be in 30 years.
❤️ Lately We’re Loving ❤️
Lauren: Watching Tell Me Lies!
Nikki: Time alone <3 I’m grateful for my friends and the people in my life but some days I am just so grateful for an early morning or an evening by myself.
✨ What’s Next ✨
Nikki: I’m excited to ski Breck next weekend :) And (maybe) with Lauren!!!! It’s been 2 years since we’ve skied together and I’m excited about it!
Lauren: Lowkey I’m less excited than Nikki because I’m nervous to ski after 2 years of not skiing! And Nikki actually has gotten good! I’m excited for a short week and spending time with girlfriends this weekend!
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